On Shame, and How to Breathe Underwater

Photo: CK

There is a you that exists that is absolutely alone. The world cannot touch you. You are unaccountable to it. I say this is Truth, but, you cannot trust in that for I do not actually exist in this layer. What does exist in this layer, this frequency, is this you reading these words. No one else. Inter-dynamics of self and other cease. Your mind is left robbed of its purpose, like a thief in the night stole that radio you have on all the time. You are alone and you feel the curtains around you, this separation. It can feel lonely, so let yourself feel that. There! You are alone in solitude for perhaps the first time, you yourself reading words on a screen, and nothing else actually exists. You have a deep conviction of all these things. It makes no sense. How did the world disappear? You then question whether it was there to begin with. Perhaps it actually wasn't. Doubt cuts deep and the severing is swift, the curtains increase. Stay calm. No harm can come to you.

Photo: CK

Breathe. Now feel, as if it had been ten, twenty Christmases ago that you were told to keep your tentacles to yourself, and have since bunched them up into human form, for this is what happened to you. A fifth, a sixth limb starts to unfurl from your torso, it is through pins and needles of inactivity, but you remember--you are actually an OCTOPUS. You can see waves of color in what is otherwise thin air, you feel the texture of anger and the infinite space in all loving gestures. You see the seizures and you feel the calm. All at once. Your tentacles are used to it. They are self-adapted, knowing that they themselves cause ripples in the fabric as one moves independent of the other. Tentacle A is not disturbed by the wake of Tentacle C. You realize you can also blend in to the life around you, to rest, to observe, and to evade that which you cannot yet handle, defeat or negotiate with. There is no shame in hiding in safety and pausing.

Photo: CK

There are passageways ahead that you always wished to discover. Your entire frame is no longer human, it is malleable now and it will fit through that keyhole, the eye of the needle. No human could have, so forgive yourself for believing that forgiveness was even necessary. You are here now and this is all that ever was. An underwater sanctuary, far removed from what you thought you knew. What treasure is on the other side, within the tiny crevice? What else will you become? What else are you? How is transformation suddenly possible?

Photo: CK

You, as an entity alone, cannot exist without water, gravity, mass, density, temperature, light, form, shape, limitations, prey, predator, up, down, yes, no, now, never---how can you then be anything but ALL things? Do you see? Do you feel? Breathe yourself through yourself in and out of yourself. You are your own blood coursing through yourself. The stars are your skin and your skin is the light of stars, a black hole is your heart, relaying information to a far, far place and its quasar of energy, the brightest event known, bursts forth and destroys all things unreal. You are left where you are, wondering if in fact, you ever are where you are.

But, you now know that you can breathe underwater.

Photo: CK